While I was in the Air Force I stepped away from the church. I am not really sure why I did, but I just didn't go anymore. I then married a woman who was not religious at all. She had went to a Catholic Church when she was really little but her whole family is non religious. I am a Baptist but not really that active. My kids are born and then we start to have miscarriage after miscarriage. My wife then turns to me and says she wants to look at joining the Catholic Church. I agree so we start to look into what needs to be done. They have a year long program that teaches you about the Catholic Faith and what they believe in. They recognize my baptism with the Baptist Church, so when we get through this class I will not be baptised again.
Going though this RCIA Program with the church has made me realize why I became religious in the first place. Knowing that God is watching over me and has an ultimate plan for me makes it easier to accept things that I normally wouldn't. My wife always wonders why I don't cry when things go wrong. I never cried when we lost our babies before we could even meet them and it bothered her. She felt like she was the only one suffering. The truth is I wanted to cry so bad and just punch something. I was yelling on the inside WHY GOD WHY US? I just wanted to know what we did wrong to deserve this and then without a second thought it was gone. My mind was filled with peace and a verse came into my head. I am not a scholar so this is not word for word, but here is the gist of it. "The lord will not test your faith but believe he has a plan for you." I was still angry but I knew what it meant. I just had to trust in him and let me take the pain. My wife said in RCIA one day that I was the "Rock" of the family. I am the solid part in it that will never waiver or be pushed aside. I took this to heart and remember every time she asks why I never cry when things go bad and all I can think now is because I am the Rock and I have to be strong to keep us going. I know in time God will give us another child, but only when he says its time. For now we will have to trust in him to get us to where he wants us to be.
The best way to sum this up is by saying I am glad we have come back to the faith and knowing that my wife will be there to grow with me in it makes it even better. The only thing I can think now is from the Footprints poem, "Why lord during the tough times I look and see only one set of footprints in the sand. Why did you leave me alone during these times?" and he answers, "I did not leave your side during the good times or the bad, but when you only see one set of footprints that is when I was carrying you." That part strikes so hard with what I have been through, that I know the Lord has carried me several times and I would see only one set of footprints.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Starting All Over!
Now we are in SC and starting all over. We have no family near by to help us out or watch our kids if we want to get away. This has been tough for the last 6 months. I think our family has grown stronger together and have come closer as well because we know we do not have a safety net just down the road. Being out o the military is a lot different for me too. I no longer have a uniform set for me to get dressed in everyday. I get a choice of what to wear which is nice.
It has been six months since we moved out here and we still have not settled all the way in. We bought a house after being here for like 2 months so we have been in it for 4 months and loving it. We have added to our family with a dog as well. We just got her so she is still a pup and need a lot of attention and care. The house training is going well but will take time. Her name is Lila and she is a beautiful Cane Corso (Italian Mastiff). My daughter just adores her and my son is starting to open up to her as well and get use to her walking around with him.
That is good for now and I will try to post more frequently. These long in between points don't work to well.
It has been six months since we moved out here and we still have not settled all the way in. We bought a house after being here for like 2 months so we have been in it for 4 months and loving it. We have added to our family with a dog as well. We just got her so she is still a pup and need a lot of attention and care. The house training is going well but will take time. Her name is Lila and she is a beautiful Cane Corso (Italian Mastiff). My daughter just adores her and my son is starting to open up to her as well and get use to her walking around with him.
That is good for now and I will try to post more frequently. These long in between points don't work to well.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Love finds me!
So now I am in Cali and through my second engagement. I really didn't want to jump into another relationship. I just wanted to make some friends and get to know some people who weren't really military related. Have you ever heard the saying when your not looking for love, love will find you. After Julia and the short period of time with her, I met my Wife. We started talking online and then decided to meet. She only live like an hr away and I went to visit her. After meeting her and talking to her we became good friends. The first night we went out some other guy showed up and I guess really liked her. He never made a move on her and I went ahead and made the move myself. We started to see each other more often and we both stated that we didn't want a serious relationship. We were just looking for a friend to talk with and have understand one another. This is how we first started out and it went well for awhile. Soon we both found ourselves falling for one another. Even though we both weren't looking for love, we found each other and ended up in love. After talking one late night after about 2 months of casual dating, we decided to date exclusively.
We ended up going to a new years party where we both got drunk as ever and all hell broke loose. We ended up having a huge blow out fight that ended me up to driving like a crazy man and wrecking my car only 100 feet from the hotel we were at. A friend of hers ended up driving my car back to the parking lot and parked it before the cops showed up. They gave us a warning and left for the night. Later that night while we were both still drunk and talking everything out we agreed to get married. We had originally planned for a summer wedding but Cass ended up pregnant. We then went to the courthouse and got married there on 24 April 2004. We have been happily married ever since.
My daughter came on 26 December 2004 and has been one of the best things in my life. We have also had a baby boy who was born on 20 July 2006. yes my kids are less than 2 years apart but that is the way we wanted it. I have been living a life as a young family man and continue to grow as a parent and a husband each and every day. I could not ask for more than what I have in front of me each and every day. I am blessed to have my beautiful family and wonderful in-laws. I have since left the military and moved across the country to SC. We literally moved from coast to coast.
Now that the history is done and my life is going on, I will start to talk about the things that happen in life at the moment.
We ended up going to a new years party where we both got drunk as ever and all hell broke loose. We ended up having a huge blow out fight that ended me up to driving like a crazy man and wrecking my car only 100 feet from the hotel we were at. A friend of hers ended up driving my car back to the parking lot and parked it before the cops showed up. They gave us a warning and left for the night. Later that night while we were both still drunk and talking everything out we agreed to get married. We had originally planned for a summer wedding but Cass ended up pregnant. We then went to the courthouse and got married there on 24 April 2004. We have been happily married ever since.
My daughter came on 26 December 2004 and has been one of the best things in my life. We have also had a baby boy who was born on 20 July 2006. yes my kids are less than 2 years apart but that is the way we wanted it. I have been living a life as a young family man and continue to grow as a parent and a husband each and every day. I could not ask for more than what I have in front of me each and every day. I am blessed to have my beautiful family and wonderful in-laws. I have since left the military and moved across the country to SC. We literally moved from coast to coast.
Now that the history is done and my life is going on, I will start to talk about the things that happen in life at the moment.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
The Continued Background Story
It has been awhile since I posted. I have been busy attending my school and work as well as making time for my wife and kids. It has definitely been a challenge to manage all these things. I am not sure how I came about doing all of this at one time. I knew I wanted a family while I was young and knew I wanted to finish school as well. It is weird how things play out in the end and we always have to remind ourselves that we will not be made overnight. I have to continue to tell myself that everyday.
So I left off with being dropped by my fiance and having my world crumble around me. I went up to a buddies room and told him what happened. He immediately told me to get my swim gear and call up another buddy of ours. I asked him what for and he told me that were are going to the beach to get drunk and forget about all of this. I don't usually condone all of this type of action but at the time I didn't care and just wanted the pain to go away and this seemed the best logical approach. I ended up getting pretty drunk and fell asleep on the ferry while coming back from the island we went to. It was good times and it helped me get the process of grieving started and over with.
After all of this happened I went back to talking with some old friends and an old girl I used to talk to but never dated. We talked the rest of the time I was at Tech School and when I went home on my 2 week vacation in between my duty station and tech school we met up and started dating. I thought I was falling in love all over again and wanted this to work so bad that I made myself believe it was going to work. So we ended up dating for awhile and I even flew down to see her and ended up proposing to her. She accepted and everything was happy until I went back home and felt all alone again. I have probably only one fear in life and that is of being alone. She also became controlling to the point when I left my dorm room I had to call her and let her know where I was going. This was not what I was wanting and it showed me that she did not trust me in what I was doing. So I called off the engagement and she reacted probably about the same way I did when I was dumped just a year before that. I realized I didn't love this girl and that she was a rebound from my ex and that I needed time to heal first. I had to take time for myself and get my life straight to move on. That is what I did and made a new friend along the way.
In my next post I will talk about who I met and where things went from there.
So I left off with being dropped by my fiance and having my world crumble around me. I went up to a buddies room and told him what happened. He immediately told me to get my swim gear and call up another buddy of ours. I asked him what for and he told me that were are going to the beach to get drunk and forget about all of this. I don't usually condone all of this type of action but at the time I didn't care and just wanted the pain to go away and this seemed the best logical approach. I ended up getting pretty drunk and fell asleep on the ferry while coming back from the island we went to. It was good times and it helped me get the process of grieving started and over with.
After all of this happened I went back to talking with some old friends and an old girl I used to talk to but never dated. We talked the rest of the time I was at Tech School and when I went home on my 2 week vacation in between my duty station and tech school we met up and started dating. I thought I was falling in love all over again and wanted this to work so bad that I made myself believe it was going to work. So we ended up dating for awhile and I even flew down to see her and ended up proposing to her. She accepted and everything was happy until I went back home and felt all alone again. I have probably only one fear in life and that is of being alone. She also became controlling to the point when I left my dorm room I had to call her and let her know where I was going. This was not what I was wanting and it showed me that she did not trust me in what I was doing. So I called off the engagement and she reacted probably about the same way I did when I was dumped just a year before that. I realized I didn't love this girl and that she was a rebound from my ex and that I needed time to heal first. I had to take time for myself and get my life straight to move on. That is what I did and made a new friend along the way.
In my next post I will talk about who I met and where things went from there.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Moved
So I just moved into my very first home that I actually own and not rent. I will talk more about this later as I will pick up with where I left off from my other post. I will try to get back in the groove up updating this as often as possible.
After I graduated high school, I went on to Oklahoma State University and majored in Electrical Engineering Technology (EET). I enjoyed the college life even though it was expensive and I was the first one in my family to attempt to finish college. I was the one who was suppose to as well and it kind of felt like if I didn't everyone would be disappointed in me and it would hang over me for a while. I learned from growing how I did with my father and everything else that people expected a lot of things from and none of them came true. So this was nothing new for me and I have learned to blow it off so it doesn't bother me any. While at college I still surfed the net and played an all text based game called Arctic MUD which is where most of my time was spent. I also spent a lot of time the Oklahoma yahoo chat room where I met who I thought was an awesome girl for me. I had the reputation back home to date the younger girls that were usually 2 to 3 years younger than me and sometimes even 4 years younger. When I was a Senior I was dating a freshman girl from another school, but the girls my age didn't seem to have interest in me and were kind of stuck up. So I talked to this girl online for about a month and we decided to meet up at a restaurant in Stillwater. She was from Tulsa so she was bringing her mom just in case I was some kind of killer or rapist. Which was all perfectly OK with me since you can never be to sure on the Internet. I met up with them and we hit it off right away. It was going great and I finished my year at school and moved to an apartment off campus to work for the summer. We decided to get married so I joined the Air Force to help support the family we were about to start. I left Stillwater at the end of the summer and went back home to work in our local grocery store that was opening up since our old one burnt down 3 years prior. I was now all the way across the state from my Fiance and took frequent visits to see her as I was living back at home waiting for my date to enter basic training came up. I left for basic on Jan 28, 2003 and said my good-bye to her and promised to write her when I got a chance and we wrote letters and talked on the phone all through my basic training. I thought we were in love and planning to get married and start our life together. This is a big reason why I joined the military, but also to help pay for school. So I get done with basic and head to my Tech school to learn my trade I was going to be doing for the military. While there I got my assignment to Japan and immediately called up Sonja to tell her we would be going to Japan. She said she really didn't want to leave the states and wondered if I could get my assignment changed and I said yeah I guess I could. I had a friend that got California and he really wanted Japan so we traded assignments. The day I got them finalized and called up Sonja to tell her that we would now be going to California, she tells me she doesn't want to get married anymore. At this point I am furious and pissed I gave up Japan for the girl of my dreams to then shatter my whole world. The one person I was suppose to trust and provide for just said sorry I don't want to anymore. I later found out that she met another guy online and he came to her house where they had a make out session while I was in Basic Training. This is how you treat the guy your suppose to marrying and is going to serve the country and fight for you. I know everyone hears all the stories about military spouses cheat all the time and so do the military people, but that is a small percentage of the actual military population and a lot of people stand behind their military spouses.
I will pick up from here next time. Come back for more info on how I got to where I am today living as a young family man.
After I graduated high school, I went on to Oklahoma State University and majored in Electrical Engineering Technology (EET). I enjoyed the college life even though it was expensive and I was the first one in my family to attempt to finish college. I was the one who was suppose to as well and it kind of felt like if I didn't everyone would be disappointed in me and it would hang over me for a while. I learned from growing how I did with my father and everything else that people expected a lot of things from and none of them came true. So this was nothing new for me and I have learned to blow it off so it doesn't bother me any. While at college I still surfed the net and played an all text based game called Arctic MUD which is where most of my time was spent. I also spent a lot of time the Oklahoma yahoo chat room where I met who I thought was an awesome girl for me. I had the reputation back home to date the younger girls that were usually 2 to 3 years younger than me and sometimes even 4 years younger. When I was a Senior I was dating a freshman girl from another school, but the girls my age didn't seem to have interest in me and were kind of stuck up. So I talked to this girl online for about a month and we decided to meet up at a restaurant in Stillwater. She was from Tulsa so she was bringing her mom just in case I was some kind of killer or rapist. Which was all perfectly OK with me since you can never be to sure on the Internet. I met up with them and we hit it off right away. It was going great and I finished my year at school and moved to an apartment off campus to work for the summer. We decided to get married so I joined the Air Force to help support the family we were about to start. I left Stillwater at the end of the summer and went back home to work in our local grocery store that was opening up since our old one burnt down 3 years prior. I was now all the way across the state from my Fiance and took frequent visits to see her as I was living back at home waiting for my date to enter basic training came up. I left for basic on Jan 28, 2003 and said my good-bye to her and promised to write her when I got a chance and we wrote letters and talked on the phone all through my basic training. I thought we were in love and planning to get married and start our life together. This is a big reason why I joined the military, but also to help pay for school. So I get done with basic and head to my Tech school to learn my trade I was going to be doing for the military. While there I got my assignment to Japan and immediately called up Sonja to tell her we would be going to Japan. She said she really didn't want to leave the states and wondered if I could get my assignment changed and I said yeah I guess I could. I had a friend that got California and he really wanted Japan so we traded assignments. The day I got them finalized and called up Sonja to tell her that we would now be going to California, she tells me she doesn't want to get married anymore. At this point I am furious and pissed I gave up Japan for the girl of my dreams to then shatter my whole world. The one person I was suppose to trust and provide for just said sorry I don't want to anymore. I later found out that she met another guy online and he came to her house where they had a make out session while I was in Basic Training. This is how you treat the guy your suppose to marrying and is going to serve the country and fight for you. I know everyone hears all the stories about military spouses cheat all the time and so do the military people, but that is a small percentage of the actual military population and a lot of people stand behind their military spouses.
I will pick up from here next time. Come back for more info on how I got to where I am today living as a young family man.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Continued History
I guess I will continue on with the history of how I got to where I am sitting today. I posted yesterday that I had a pretty crappy childhood. I want to make it clear that I do not think I have had the worst childhood. I know there are millions of kids out there far worse than mine. I also know that a lot of people have probably watched their brother get shot. I don't think a lot of people have seen that while watching your other brother stand there in awe because he was the one holding the gun.
Well I was born in Kingman, AZ and raised there for 11 years until my dad was put in prison and I mom took custody of us and then moved me and my brother to a small town in Oklahoma. From there I grew up like any normal kid. I never got family vacations or the latest and greatest toys or cloths. I got what I needed and I guess that is good enough but I always wanted more. I wanted to be like the kids who got to go to the lake with their boats or to Disneland or Disney World. I never did any of those things and made a promise to myself to try and provide that for my family when I grew up.
So while living in this small town and working on the farm driving a tractor some summers then working for the town as an all around maintenance man during the summers was becoming normal. The one thing I still like to tell people is how I burried the people who died in our town. I would go out to our graveyard and dig the whole and then after the service was over I drove the dump truck and dumped the dirt on them. I get some pretty cool reactions from that story. I played the only two sports offered at my school which were Baseball and Basketball. I also became a state officer in a school organization called Technology Student Association. I enjoyed that as I met a lot of different people and had fun with the girls as well. It was kind of a cool thing that all the girls viewed it as a good thing to be hanging with a state officer and such so I got to make out with quite a few girls that year. After that reign was over I was in my senior year. I chose not to run for a national office as I wanted to just enjoy my senior year. I did just that. I enjoyed everyday of my senior year and wouldn't have changed it for the world. Since we were such a small class and all we raised all the money to take us to Cancun, Mexico for our senior trip. That was a blast and is for another discussion.
That is all for now as I will try to update this daily so if anyone out there is reading this be sure to check back if you want to hear about my life.
Well I was born in Kingman, AZ and raised there for 11 years until my dad was put in prison and I mom took custody of us and then moved me and my brother to a small town in Oklahoma. From there I grew up like any normal kid. I never got family vacations or the latest and greatest toys or cloths. I got what I needed and I guess that is good enough but I always wanted more. I wanted to be like the kids who got to go to the lake with their boats or to Disneland or Disney World. I never did any of those things and made a promise to myself to try and provide that for my family when I grew up.
So while living in this small town and working on the farm driving a tractor some summers then working for the town as an all around maintenance man during the summers was becoming normal. The one thing I still like to tell people is how I burried the people who died in our town. I would go out to our graveyard and dig the whole and then after the service was over I drove the dump truck and dumped the dirt on them. I get some pretty cool reactions from that story. I played the only two sports offered at my school which were Baseball and Basketball. I also became a state officer in a school organization called Technology Student Association. I enjoyed that as I met a lot of different people and had fun with the girls as well. It was kind of a cool thing that all the girls viewed it as a good thing to be hanging with a state officer and such so I got to make out with quite a few girls that year. After that reign was over I was in my senior year. I chose not to run for a national office as I wanted to just enjoy my senior year. I did just that. I enjoyed everyday of my senior year and wouldn't have changed it for the world. Since we were such a small class and all we raised all the money to take us to Cancun, Mexico for our senior trip. That was a blast and is for another discussion.
That is all for now as I will try to update this daily so if anyone out there is reading this be sure to check back if you want to hear about my life.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Introduction
Hey,
I am Johnny and I am a young family man. When i was growing up I knew I wanted to be a family man, to give my family the life I never received. Don't get me wrong I didn't have the worst childhood but I didn't have the best one either. Like millions of other people I wanted my family to have what I couldn't as a child. I never went on family vacations or got the coolest new cloths. I was raised by my father for 11 years until he was thrown in prison and then my mother who was forced away by my father stepped in to become "mom" and raise her 2 boys.
A long time ago we were a 3 boy family. I was only 3 when it all happened and my oldest brother was 9 and my older brother was 6.My oldest brother was shot and killed by a rifle that backfired when it was dropped by my older brother (middle of the 3, I am the youngest). He has had to live with that for the rest of his life and still has nightmares to this day.
We were raised with an iron fist and told that if we wanted something we had to work for it and that is how I acquired most of my things. I am still working for my degree today as I just separated from the Air Force. I have a decent job and love the work I am doing. I am proud to have served my country and I am also glad to have never gone over seas, but I did support the war from home.
I have wanted kids since I could remember to sort of make up for the life I missed out on. Right now I have a beautiful wife who is 21, a beautiful daughter who is 2 and a handsome boy who is 8 months. They are the joys of my life and I plan to give them as much as I can and experience the things I never got to. My wife fully supports me and I hope she will continue to help me follow my dream.
This is why I called my blog Young Family Man. I will write about my life happenings and how it is to be a young family man in today's world. The struggles I will go through as well as the joyous times. The first couple of posts will be about history and catching up with where I am today. Then I will start to write about what is going on day by day.
I am Johnny and I am a young family man. When i was growing up I knew I wanted to be a family man, to give my family the life I never received. Don't get me wrong I didn't have the worst childhood but I didn't have the best one either. Like millions of other people I wanted my family to have what I couldn't as a child. I never went on family vacations or got the coolest new cloths. I was raised by my father for 11 years until he was thrown in prison and then my mother who was forced away by my father stepped in to become "mom" and raise her 2 boys.
A long time ago we were a 3 boy family. I was only 3 when it all happened and my oldest brother was 9 and my older brother was 6.My oldest brother was shot and killed by a rifle that backfired when it was dropped by my older brother (middle of the 3, I am the youngest). He has had to live with that for the rest of his life and still has nightmares to this day.
We were raised with an iron fist and told that if we wanted something we had to work for it and that is how I acquired most of my things. I am still working for my degree today as I just separated from the Air Force. I have a decent job and love the work I am doing. I am proud to have served my country and I am also glad to have never gone over seas, but I did support the war from home.
I have wanted kids since I could remember to sort of make up for the life I missed out on. Right now I have a beautiful wife who is 21, a beautiful daughter who is 2 and a handsome boy who is 8 months. They are the joys of my life and I plan to give them as much as I can and experience the things I never got to. My wife fully supports me and I hope she will continue to help me follow my dream.
This is why I called my blog Young Family Man. I will write about my life happenings and how it is to be a young family man in today's world. The struggles I will go through as well as the joyous times. The first couple of posts will be about history and catching up with where I am today. Then I will start to write about what is going on day by day.
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