Religion

While I was in the Air Force I stepped away from the church. I am not really sure why I did, but I just didn't go anymore. I then married a woman who was not religious at all. She had went to a Catholic Church when she was really little but her whole family is non religious. I am a Baptist but not really that active. My kids are born and then we start to have miscarriage after miscarriage. My wife then turns to me and says she wants to look at joining the Catholic Church. I agree so we start to look into what needs to be done. They have a year long program that teaches you about the Catholic Faith and what they believe in. They recognize my baptism with the Baptist Church, so when we get through this class I will not be baptised again.

Going though this RCIA Program with the church has made me realize why I became religious in the first place. Knowing that God is watching over me and has an ultimate plan for me makes it easier to accept things that I normally wouldn't. My wife always wonders why I don't cry when things go wrong. I never cried when we lost our babies before we could even meet them and it bothered her. She felt like she was the only one suffering. The truth is I wanted to cry so bad and just punch something. I was yelling on the inside WHY GOD WHY US? I just wanted to know what we did wrong to deserve this and then without a second thought it was gone. My mind was filled with peace and a verse came into my head. I am not a scholar so this is not word for word, but here is the gist of it. "The lord will not test your faith but believe he has a plan for you." I was still angry but I knew what it meant. I just had to trust in him and let me take the pain. My wife said in RCIA one day that I was the "Rock" of the family. I am the solid part in it that will never waiver or be pushed aside. I took this to heart and remember every time she asks why I never cry when things go bad and all I can think now is because I am the Rock and I have to be strong to keep us going. I know in time God will give us another child, but only when he says its time. For now we will have to trust in him to get us to where he wants us to be.

The best way to sum this up is by saying I am glad we have come back to the faith and knowing that my wife will be there to grow with me in it makes it even better. The only thing I can think now is from the Footprints poem, "Why lord during the tough times I look and see only one set of footprints in the sand. Why did you leave me alone during these times?" and he answers, "I did not leave your side during the good times or the bad, but when you only see one set of footprints that is when I was carrying you." That part strikes so hard with what I have been through, that I know the Lord has carried me several times and I would see only one set of footprints.